Full-On Friendship!

The bunling gag arose from the fever dreams I still get about the noob Fighter's Guild quest in Morrowind.

When I first played that game I was a dumb kid whose raging nerddom had not yet fully blossomed. So I didn't know about the ass-backward way you have to build and play a character in pre-Skyrim Elder Scrolls games to be any good at anything early on. I just answered Ken Rolston's questions and he was like, yeah dude, I think you should be a bard or whatever. Here's a nonsensical smattering of useless skills. So I'm like, fuck yeah. Bard. That's like a cool fighting guy, right?

Two steps outside Seyda Neen I get mauled by a crab.

I limp my way the ten miles to Balmora, holding my guts in. I pop a few potions, do a few lines of moon sugar, and go sign up for the cool fighting guy's club. The scary lady wearing crab armor is like dope, this is gonna be sick. You're totally gonna get to bust some crime lords' heads and crap, but first you gotta go punch a half-retarded rat in Jerry's basement.

So I go to Jerry's basement and whiff at the rat ineffectually till it accidentally rams my shin with its diseased gums, and we topple into a pathetic shithead pile together.

Make all your physical skills minor. That way you can control when you level up with dumb skills you don't care about as your majors. Sick system, early 2000s Bethesda.

- Some Stupid Nerd

 

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